Body & Soul Responses

from Dr. Jeanette, licensed psychologist, alternative approach

practical, psychological, holistic help for emotional, mental, physical, spiritual issues

Question

I've reviewed your website - I want to experience your work.

However, I'm a little confused. You suggest that it's important to know your body and connect it with the soul. Well, I feel as though I know my body and I like it. I'm very sensual and sexual - not afraid to explore anything at all.

The problem is I don't have a healthy sex and love life. Sex, of the last too many years, has primarily been with myself all too often fantasizing about sharing this exploration with someone else or, at least in someone else's presence. Thus, I've been lead down a path of cheap, random and lackluster experiences.

I feel, as though this is the cause of much unhappiness and loneliness, which prevents me from enjoying life to the fullest. This, as you probably know, contributes to more loneliness and not as much 'healthy sex'.

Sometimes I also don't know where to draw the line. I mean, when is sex healthy as opposed to not healthy. Since I have an extremely strong drive towards sex and ecstasy, I often find myself stuck without healthy ways to express my sexual self. You know, masturbation at a rate of five - six times per day has you always wanting a way to enhance the experience.

Can you explain to me your approach and how you think it might help? T.P.

CURRENT ANSWER

Yes, T.B.

A lot of people are confused about sex. Take a look at the behavior of the President of the United States of America! Basically we, Homo sapiens, are very sexually immature, all of us, not just the President. And take a look at the response to his behavior. It is equally immature, being judgmental and condemning. This reflects our society's current state of development and current consciousness about sex. No so hot!!!

You are confusing your addictive behavior with sex. Using sex as a way to reduce your anxiety is not the same as using sex for its real purpose. A sex addiction is like any other addiction; you are using sex to avoid facing and dealing with your real feeling about yourself. Sex, alcohol, or Prozac, are all ways to control your behavior so you don't get a chance to grow or transform. When you use sex in this way, it is reducing anxiety, not producing pleasure.

Addictions mask the real problem; they are NOT the real problem. When you feel anxious you can't wait to get the remedy. Once you've had it, you are ok for a little bit until the anxiety builds up and then you got to have your fix again. Obsessed. Possessed. This I am glad to tell you is NOT real sex!

The majority of people seem to have what I call mechanic sex. They push a few buttons, do some heavy breathing, throw in a few kisses and have an orgasm. Not very exciting. You see it in the movies all the time. Sad to say, these people are missing out big time. They have their release and go to sleep. Sex without love is mechanical; it does not increase your energy flow or vitality. It doesn't add to your happiness or health quota.

A few fortunate people have sex and love connected. These people are lovingly connected at the heart while they engage in sexual behavior. They are truly "making love," expressing their love for one another though sex. The closeness they share greatly enriches their life and their sexual experience. It seems to be hard for people to get love and sex together. Most relationships have one or the other, not both. A good, healthy sexual relationship requires love, trust and openness. Frequently what messes up these relationships are unresolved emotional issues. Any unresolved emotional issue will begin to interfere with the loving relationship and inhibit great sex. To make love one must FEEL LOVE.

It is revolution for two strong, healthy people to come together and share their total selves. We are on the cutting edge of creating new models because the old models are unequal and unsatisfying Take at look at your mom and dad who have been your models.

To me the true nature of sex is sacred. This means you can reach the divine, heaven on earth, through sexual activity. Divine Sex is an expression of human love and divine love. You do not even have to have a partner to experience it. You can become one with the divine through your own sensual experiences. It occurs when you are connected to your body, heart and soul and allow divine love to flow through you freely. (It is so far beyond sex that it doesn't make much sense to keep calling it sex. Sex began with the plants and has to do with reproducing. I keep trying out new words and haven't found any that really does the trick.)

Sex that connects the body and soul is phenomenal. The first time I experienced it, I described it as "beyond orgasm." It was so far beyond any physical orgasm I had ever felt that I couldn't believe it. (I began exploding with the universe at the age of 4 or 5) I was transcended into another place.... Over the edge! Awesome.

After you've had this kind of sex, you just can't stomach anything else. It satisfies the body, heart and soul.

To enjoy divine sex you have to be relaxed, which is the opposite from anxious. Every single place in your body that is too tight or too loose has what I call frozen energy. Your body must be relaxed for the divine energy to flow through it, that is what makes it so great and why it feels so good. The energy itself is divine, and feels sooo good as it flows through your cells. Heavenly...

So begin to reduce your anxiety and then you will be able to have fantastic sex. It has to do with becoming more open energetically. An anxious person is closed. Anxiety tights us up and reduces sensations. This anxiety that is in your body, esp. in your automatic nervous system, can be transformed. You can actually allow this frozen energy to melt!!! My Fear tape explains the difference between fear and anxiety and how fear becomes excitement which then becomes ecstasy.

Since you have been using sex to reduce your anxiety, you need to reclaim your sacred, sexual self. Learn to relax and love yourself so that you can allow the energy to flow freely in your body. When you get excited about something, let your energy build. You want it to increase all throughout your body, so that it flows in your feet and toes, hands and fingers, as well as in your head and ears! When your energy is flowing in these places, then you will become more conscious of your whole body. It is a whole body orgasm that you want. Each cell in your body can explode in orgasmic rhapsody.

Developing your feeling ability is what will really enhance your experience. It is through your feelings that your sensual nature and erotic ability will skyrocket and soar. All of your senses will be involved. On a radio show back in 1985, I said the new species was already here, calling us Homo Sensates. The reason I called us Homo sensates was because of our ability to sense and experience everything through our body. We can experience anything that exists in reality through our body and senses. It is a much more full-bodied approach than simply experiencing something in your mind or brain. An idea of something is not the same as the manifested physical reality of it!

We just need to use what we already have! Just like the brain, we have not used the full potential of our body. It can tell us everything we need to know, simply by sensing. When we begin to use the other 95% of our body and mind, we will no longer be Homo Sapiens Sapiens, we will be Homo Sensates!

Begin to use your mind and body now. It is a lot of fun to play with and really does make life worth living. Committing yourself to loving yourself and reducing your anxiety make for quite an exciting trip. This is enough to get you started and excited I hope. Next month I will go more in detail about my approach explaining how it is different from tradition psychology.

Thanks for asking, Jeanette