Licensed Philadelphia-based psychologist with a holistic psychology based on learning theory research and health energy flow in the body and emotions  Dr. Jeanette is a licensed psychologist with a holistic psychology based on learning theory research and healthy energy flow in the body and emotions; a Philadelphia psychologist since 1975 when she worked with Joe Wolpe, MD at Temple Medical School.
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Is Your Sex Life High Anxiety?  Not Sure if You are a Sex Addict or a Good Lover?

The Difference Between A Good Lover and Sex Addiction is Huge.

 

Sexual Health, Sex Addiction Question

I've reviewed your web site - I want to experience your work.
However, I'm a little confused. I feel as though I know my body and I like it. I'm very sensual and sexual - not afraid to explore anything at all.
The problem is I don't have a healthy sex and love life. I've been lead down a path of cheap, random and lackluster experiences. I feel, as though this is the cause of much unhappiness and loneliness, which prevents me from enjoying life to the fullest.
Sometimes I also don't know where to draw the line. I mean, when is sex healthy as opposed to not healthy. Since I have an extremely strong drive towards sex and ecstasy, I often find myself stuck without healthy ways to express my sexual self. Can you explain to me your approach and how it might help? T. P.

 

Sexual Health, Sex Addiction Answer

Yes, T. B.
A lot of people are confused about sex. Take a look at the behavior of the President of the United States of America! Basically we are very sexually immature, not just the President. And take a look at the response to his behavior. It is equally immature, being judgmental and condemning. This reflects our society's current state of sexual development and current consciousness about sex. No so hot!!!
You are confusing your addictive behavior with sex. Using sex as a way to reduce your anxiety is not the same as using sex for its real purpose. A sex addiction is like any other addiction; you are using sex to avoid facing and dealing with your real feelings about yourself. Sex, alcohol, or Prozac, are ways to control your behavior so you don't get a chance to develop yourself and grow as a person.
Sex addictions mask the real problem; they are NOT the real problem. When you feel anxious you can't wait to get the remedy. Once you've had it, you are ok for a little bit until the anxiety builds up and then you got to have your sexual fix again. Obsessed. Possessed. This I am glad to tell you is NOT real sex!

A few fortunate people have sex and love connected. These people are lovingly connected at the heart while they engage in sexual behavior. They are truly "making love," expressing their love for one another through sex. The closeness they share greatly enriches their emotional life and their sexual experience.

A good, healthy sexual relationship requires love, trust and openness. The true nature of sex is sacred. This means you can reach the divine, heaven on earth, through sexual activity.

To enjoy divine sex you have to be relaxed, which is the opposite from anxious. So you must reduce your anxiety if you want to have fantastic sex.

Since you have been using sex to reduce your anxiety, you need to reclaim your sacred, sexual self. Learn to relax and love yourself so that you can allow the energy to flow freely in your body. When you get excited about something, let your energy build up, don't release it and have an orgasm.

You want your sexual energy to increase all throughout your body, so that it flows in your feet and toes, hands and fingers, as well as in your head and ears! When your energy is flowing in these places, you can have whole body orgasms.

Developing your feeling ability is what will enhance your sexual experience. It is through your emotional feelings that your sensual nature and erotic ability will skyrocket and soar. This means you need to open your heart.

If you commit yourself to reducing your anxiety you will have an exciting trip into opening your heart so you have great, loving, healthy sex. This is enough to get you started and excited I hope. Next month I will go more in detail about my approach explaining how it is different from tradition psychology.

Thanks for asking, Dr. Jeanette, copyright, 1999, revised 2009

Improve your sexual health before you ruin your marriage and humiliate yourself like Tiger Woods.

Sexual Health Improvement Options:

1.  Order an online course developed by sex therapist and licensed psychologist, Dr. Doris Jeanette.  For Men: Become a Better Lover. It will give you the tools you need to reduce your anxiety and open your heart to healthy emotions and feelings.  This sexual health home study course is helpful for men with sex addiction, premature ejaculation and sexual impotency.

2. Contact Dr. Jeanette to see if she has time for a sexual health consultation to get started on becoming a better person and a better lover. First consultation is $300.00 per hour. Email at drjeanette@drjeanette.com or Call: 215-732-6197.