Body & Soul Responses

from Dr. Jeanette, licensed psychologist, alternative approach

practical, psychological, holistic help for emotional, mental, physical, spiritual issues

Question

Is there anyway to make someone see how much you love and trust them. Even after you've been faithful, truthful and honest. I realized what I did wrong and apologized for what I did. I'm giving him his space. What else can I do? Niki

Answer

Wow, I know the feeling. Basically no, there is not anyway to make someone see how much you love and trust them, but you can continue to love and trust them. If you do, he may relax and see that he is responding out of his past conditioning rather than out of the present moment. It is truly amazing how much we all block out love.

Relationships are the place where we experience ourselves in rich detail and if both partners are committed to their own growth, great things can happen. It is also the place where we feel hurt and pain, which is the beginning point of major transformation.

Let me support you in not accepting any blame your boyfriend or you may place on you. Neither one of you is perfect. Both of you are probably contributing to the problem, but nether one of you is to blame.

When you stop blaming the other and look inside yourself, wonderful things will happen. Each of us does things in relationships that we are not aware of; becoming more aware of ourselves is what helps us grow. That is my definition of a healthy relationship-- one in which both people are growing. Growth is frequently painful and real love is not always sweet. Too much sugar is not good for you!

Hurt is usually the turning point in a person's life. You either become more open and trusting or you become harder and more defended. My When You're Hurting tape was make for this moment. It is make to help you stay in the hurt so you can feel it, letting it go. Instead of holding on to it and continuing to recreate the original hurt over and over again. Once you can see the bigger story of your life, you will have a grander vision of what all these emotional stuff is about!

What is important is HOW you response, not what he are doing or not doing. The hurt you are feeling now can be a catalyst to transform your own stuck, frozen emotional energy into flowing, vital energy. The goal is to stop yourself from reacting with a flight or fight response and feel your real feelings. If you do this, you will become a happier and healthier person, no matter what happens.

Most people spend their energy trying to get others to love them and this never works. You will get hurt over and over again because all your energy is tied up in the other person. It is up to each of us to love our selves so that we are emotionally strong and can then share ourselves with others.

The hurt you feel is from your past and reflects your issues, not your boyfriends. If you let go and feel your real feelings, (as opposed to your defensive energy, which is really thoughts) you will transform your own life.

Your hurt is the tip of the iceberg. Throughout your whole life, every time someone has hurt your feelings and you have not cried there is stuck energy in your body where it is held. That is the reason everyone's body is so tight or so fat, they are holding on to their unexpressed feelings.

The goal in life is NOT to AVOID Pain. This is what most people do and so they become robots! The goal is to feel the hurt and allow it to affect us and enrich us, making us more alive! The hurt and pain itself is importance. It is good to feel it and become more sensitive as a result of it. Pain is a necessary part of life and a wonderful, meaningful part of life. It is not bad, toxic, dark or shadowy; it is good, rich, meaningful and powerful.

So let yourself cry and begin to feel your own emotional self. The love and caring you feel needs to be expressed to the part of you that is hurt. When you do this, your own energy field will become more open and trusting and then you will be stronger and more powerful. And I promise there will come a day when you will no longer feel hurt when someone rejects you.

My heart goes out to you and I embrace each tear. The pain you feel is also probably bigger than you are! We inherit pain from our family, cultures and societies. As you feel your hurt, your heart will be softening and returning to an alive state.

Think of every single tear as an awaking to your own power. That is exactly what it is! Maybe he will be interested in learning not to flight or fight, but in any case, you will be stronger. In love and rose peach tones, (a great color for the heart.)

Jeanette