The Importance of TOUCH

By Dr. Doris Jeanette

A lot of women love gay men. Whether we are gay or straight, we love to touch them, hug them and tell them our deepest secrets. The reason we love these sensitive, open men is that they love us back. One of the best ways that they love us back is that we feel free to express all of our needs and desires without any attempts from them to control us. We can feel sexy, flirty, needy and stupid without holding back because they do not want any thing from us. They are not pulling or pushing our energy. We need relationships where we can be our authentic physical and emotional selves without someone trying to control us. Sex partners are the worse; they always want to control us. Whether we are gay or straight, our sexual relationships get messed up because everyoneÕs control issues come out of the closet once the initial high is over.

We suffer because our basic needs are then used to control us. We proceed directly into repeating the same old emotional energy dynamics that we learned as a child. The pushing and pulling of energy takes over and the healthy, equal exchange of love dries up.

Human touch and emotional closeness are as important to us as sunshine is to plants. Human beings inherently need close human contact to flourish and grow. Touch is one of our basic needs. According to James Presto, a near-psychologist, Òdeprivation of physical affection in human relationships constitutes the single greatest source of physical violence in human societies.Ó

Now any good Mother throughout the ages could tell us the exact same thing. Mothering mammals know what to do. After all, they are the ones who perfected our loving behavior over the millenniums and across cultures. Uganda babies, from the moment of birth, are placed upon their motherÕs breast. Moreover, this is where they stay. As a result of this direct human contact, the mothers are so tuned into their children that they can even tell when their baby needs to eliminate urine or feces.

When a Uganda Mother senses her babyÕs needs, she takes her baby off her breasts and helps her child properly dispose of his or her waste. Afterwards the baby is placed right back on the motherÕs heart area. This lovely, tender closeness is what all Homo sapiens, need to grow and flourish. We need pure physical and emotional love that is not sexualized. To sexualize is to put sex into the equation as a way and a means to control. When any human attempts to control another, we are telling the world that we are scared and anxious.

American society is so far removed from Mother Nature that we seem to need a male scientist to remind us of the laws of Nature. Yet, even though PrescottÕs studies were done in the 1960Õs, the majority of psychologists today, still do not use this information in their treatments with clients. Neither do we hear psychologists or physicians offering human closeness as a solution to the painful sufferings of humanity.

No, the exact opposite seems to be the case. Most psychologists are too scared to even touch their clients for fear that they will be accused of being sexually inappropriate. Moreover, most physicians are so insecure that they do not relate equally with respect and genuine affection to their patients.

From my observations, it seems that most professionals have not satisfied their own basic needs enough to help anyone else. The bottom line is that we need what we need, whether we are a professional or client. Trying to act grown up and above it all simply does not work. We need physical touch, comfort and love throughout our entire lives.

We need to meet our indispensable needs so that we can grow up and flourish as adult human beings. When we do not fulfill our physical and emotional needs, we become weird, unhealthy and violent with each other. It does not take a science, an art or a psychology to tell us what we need. We know we need to touch and be touched, physically and emotionally. We know that we need to love and be loved, physically and emotionally. It is a common fact that Americans of the United States touch each other less that Europeans do. Could this be the reason that Americans are more violent? Yes, as PrescottÕs cultural results would suggest it is The Reason.

Each of us needs to take ourselves to task and really examine how we relate to ourselves and to each other. How often do we touch ourselves with kindness? How often do we curse what we have just created, written, or done?

Any little ÒviolentÓ act we might do, like being sarcastic, not listening, not touching or not speaking in a kind tone are Red Flags that we need to heed. These little ÒviolentÓ acts are

Doris Jeanette, licensed psychologist, originator of a new model for human change, teaches us how to use our emotional and spiritual strengths. Instead of giving Òa treatment,Ó she increases our awareness of energy dynamics. She has presented and published her innovative work internationally. A Natural Process for Opening the Heart, three audiocassette tapes, highly recommended by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, MD, comfort and intimately guide us toward emotional health and vitality. Free Teleseminars and free newsletter at www.drjeanette.com. Call 215-732-6197