The Formula For Divine Sex

Sex and Love Column, New Visions Magazine

By Dr. Doris Jeanette

I was enjoying the kissing and squeezing and rolling around on the bed. My body was tingling and my spirit was soaring. The sex flush was spreading out around my neck and shoulders. Just then an image of my mother popped into my mind. Immediately my passion diminished to a small, little flitter. Mother didn't even say a word.

Nothing can kill our sexual response faster than a judgment. Or even the hint of one. Yes indeedy, it's mighty hard to make love if our mother and father are in the bedroom. And that's exactly where they are, until we get Mother and Dad's judgments out of our consciousness and energy field. So the first step to great lovemaking is getting rid of our learned judgments against our body, heart and soul. So if we are having trouble letting go and enjoying ourselves, it is the result of our own self-judgments.

The formula for Divine Sex is the same, be it long term or short-term couples or singles. If solo, we can use our fantasies to imagine The Perfect Lover. That way, the one we have always desired can be ours tonight! If single, definitely make the same effort and give the event extended duration to have a delightful time! What we want to create is an environment composed of the vibrations of love. Physical and emotional love.

The first thing we do is send the judgmental parts of our many selves out of the room. Now we can relax. Making love with someone, by definition requires that we love him or her. This column is dedicated to getting love and sex connected. This means that love has to be flowing in and out of our hearts in the form of real, live energy. And we need to be expressing this love by touching each other in tender ways with fingers, bodies, toes, breasts, ears, tongues and anything else we can get involved in the action. In addition, our fire, our desire, has to get cranked up so that we can express and share this burning part of ourselves with our partner. Again, in the form of active energy.

Consequently, the wining and dining period of a relationship must never stop. We need to attend to our partner as if they are dear to us, if they are indeed dear to us, so over dinner communicate with him or her as if he or she is loved. Appreciation and gratitude go a long way, and this has to be with substance, not just words. Energy has to be exchanged. Emotional love is the sweetness that we can cultivate so that it grows inside of us. Each man and woman needs at least half of their energy composed of this receptive, feminine energy.

This means that we can't suddenly attempt to make love in the evening if kindness and affection have not been occurring between us throughout out the day. Forget it, Divine Sex ain't going to happen. Please don't correct my grammar. There are times when ain't just feels (now spread that out like molasses) right. Making love and being southern go hand in hand for me. Believe me, the South has a lot to offer in the ways of love, so don't bring that judgment back into this room. (Read Sex and Love Column, New Visions Magazine, Oct. 2001 for the difference between Divine Sex and Mechanic Sex.)

Getting ready for lovemaking is as important as being there, because if we don't get ready, we can't get there. We already know from past columns that we have to be breathing and we have to be relaxed. Putting our consciousness into our body is an absolute prerequisite and this takes time for mental people, so we need to prepare ourselves mentally, emotionally and physically. This means doing whatever is necessary to be open and ready to connect.

As we have seen, the mind can interfere with lovemaking by sending in Distracting Images, so we need to utilize its imagination skills to prime the pump. This way, the mind is working for us, instead of against us. As we are relaxing, breathing, bathing and feeling, we can imagine what we would like to do to our partner or what we would enjoy being done to us.

But the mind is not the organ used to accomplish the task. Take a breath and feel the texture of the skin. The skin is the primary organ for lovemaking. It receives the energy in the form of pleasure and sends it all around the body, so the more you settle into your skin and let it receive, the more delicious your experience will be. You want to slow everything down so that you can savor what is going on in your body and energy field. Take another breath and feel your heart. What are you feeling? Take another breath and sense your first chakra. Are there any tingles there? Go back and forth between your root and your heart. You want energy flowing up and down your spine between these two points. This is an important part of getting ready for your beloved.

Perhaps you have planned ahead and have some grapes or cherries by the divine spot. Reach up, even if it is only in your imagination, and move slowly toward the grape, feeling the luscious sensations in your arm as you move through space. Touch the grape with your fingers and feel the smooth texture of it as you roll it around your fingers. Savor these private moments with this delicious, purple Goddess. Breathe in the smell of her flesh as you bring it slowly toward your open, receptive mouth. Roll the grape around your mouth and sense its size and smoothness. Suck on it. Now bring your teeth together even so slowly to break open its fruits. Finally let the essence of the grape explode in your mouth and send chills down your spine. Now you are settling into your skin and the moment. Which is exactly what you have to do if you want to have a divine, sensual experience.

When any thought, image, annoyance or defensiveness inhibits your loving or sexual energy flow, stop. Breathe and Feel. Don't go into an avoidance mode. Stay with your beloved and move through the moment with love and support. My mother's image faded, as I felt bad, dirty and scared in the arms of my beloved. I kept breathing and feeling. As I settled back into my flesh, our warm love filled me up again and the kissing started. Our desire started to roar once again.

Please send feedback or suggest sex & love issues you would like addressed in future Sex and Love columns. For help removing judgmental energy from your mind and body take the Overcoming Anxiety Naturally online course which includes written lessons to reduce your anxiety and relax into your skin plus the Opening the Heart audio series which shows you how to express vital, healthy emotional love.

Doris Jeanette is a licensed psychologist with an alternative approach. She has been integrating spiritually and sexuality since 1976. She is available for private sessions and teaches her innovative, emotional, energy approach in groups and workshops.

Copyright, May 2003, New Visions Magazine, Doris Jeanette, Sex and Love Column

Enhance and improve your Sex and Love Energy with Dr. Jeanette: via coaching or Energy Intensives.

Contact Dr. Jeanette at 215-732-6197 or drjeanette@drjeanette.com