Relationship Advice and Good Emotional Health: Let go of Control to Let Go of Conflict
Emotional
Hot Buttons, Body Reacts: A Relationship Question
I
received a letter recently from a woman who had just started to listen
to my Opening the Heart audio. She is taking care of her Mom who is
recovering from surgery:
"What I am looking for is help
with that physical releasing step I have heard about so many times.
For years I've said--yes--I know all this intellectually--yet 2
days of dealing with Mom and I'm feelings all the old familiar body
contractions. Being with her is bringing up major stuff for me again and pushing all
those well worn buttons."
How to Let Go of Control and Conflict: Relationship Advice
Yes,
body contractions tell you that your fear and feelings are frozen inside
you, locked in your body. The direct experience of your real feelings is not an intellectual
happening it is a real in the body physical event.
You
cannot think your way into feeling or releasing. Letting go of control
is what you have to do if you want to give up your defensiveness.
If you want your emotional wounds and hot reactive buttons to heal you have to let go of
control.
This
is where some people back away and don't want to go any further.
People confuse letting go of control with being out of control so
they do not trust the natural process of feeling their real feelings.
People
think feelings are out of control. Feelings are not out of control.
Thoughts are out of control.
The opposite is true. Feelings are grounding and help you feel more
self esteem. If you want to learn the difference between real feelings and out
of control thoughts, study, listen to and read, the "Opening
the Heart" material. It explains this in much more depth and guides you into feeling your emotions and letting go.
People are out of control when they are in the mental states of panic, hostility
and rage. These out of control states are acting out behaviors caused
by thoughts, not feelings. Out of control thoughts lead to inappropriate
behaviors.
This
same woman continued," after listening to your audio tape last night--
I "got" that what I avoid doing is letting myself really feel
the fear or whatever pain/emotion I have."
This is great. Yes, Mary, you got it!
Avoiding
your feelings and emotions is the problem. Avoiding your emotions and feelings cause the human problems you are having and inhibiting them results in the physical problems you are having.
A feeling
state is a highly conscious state. You are aware of more, not
less.
On the other hand, people who
hurt others are unconscious, they are not feeling their feelings.
Instead they are weak, frightened, people who are reacting with knee jerk responses. They
are not strong, vibrant and healthy.
An
exercise to help you feel and let go of control: Sit down. Breathe and breathe and breathe.
If you are not a conscious breather check out the Overcome Anxiety Naturally online course, it teaches you how. The Opening the Heart audio is also included in this discounted package.
Breath into any area of your
body that hurts. Feel your well-worn, sore emotional buttons. These buttons will lead to
your real feelings if you stay with them and feel them.
Feel your
reaction to your mother. Do you withdraw? Or attack? Feel the energy
that is in your body.
Experience
what is going on in your body when you experience discomfort. Allow yourself
to feel bad. Yes, feel bad....
You
want to feel what you have been avoiding for all these years. You
will feel bad about yourself. This is what your defensive energy
has been trying to keep away from you and what you must feel in order to move forward and become stronger.
It is that simple. You cannot break out of
any conflict or control in a relationship without feeling bad.
You
are tied up in a conflict with your mother. It is composed of sticky
energy. This stagnate energy is created by judgment and guilt.
Conflicts
are simple:
The
controlled part tries to control: "you should do so and so."
The
good self tries to please and get approval by doing it.
The
bad self resists and will not do it.
You
lose either way, if you do it, you feel resentful and bad.
If
you don't, you feel guilty and bad.
Lose - Lose.
There is no way to win. Or feel satisfied.
Everyone loses.
Your
real feelings are underneath this conflict. Go into a deeper body
state and feel how your Mother hurts your feelings. Feel it and
let it vibrate through your body and soul. Let yourself cry, cry,
cry. Let your whole body cry, not just your eyes.
Keep breathing and on each exhale let the feelings out, out,
out. This is my motto, "Breathe and Feel," I say it over and over in the Opening the Heart audio. It really works!
You
will separate from your mother as you find and love your authentic emotional
self. When you become stronger, the whole relationship changes for the better.
As
your defensive energy transforms into emotionally strong self-loving
energy your mother's defensive energy will no longer control you
and make you react. Without your defensive energy, you will be
able to feel more love for your Mother, not less.
To learn more about how to give up conflict and be effective in relationships study, "Opening
the Heart", an emotional health guide into your own heart where you find your real feelings and emotions. You learn to love your emotional self and become strong enough to create healthy relationships. Feel your real emotions and empower yourself with emotional health and emotional wellness. From 19.97-99.97.
Or buy the deeply discounted package which includes the Opening the Heart audio, the Overcome Anxiety Naturally online course.
149.97. Or set up a private consultation for 200.00 with Dr. Jeanette for a phone session to get to the source of your emotional health issues, usually in one session.
copyright, 2000, revised, 2010, Doris Jeanette
Emotional
health, emotional wellness, holistic psychology by a licensed psychologist.
Giving up defensive energy, defensiveness and letting go. Separating
from family conflicts and relationship conflicts. Dealing with difficult
people. |
