Feeling Guilty?  Want to Know How to Heal Your Guilt?

Learn How to Live a Guilt Free, Shame Free Life

Guilt, Shame Question

Guilt, what is it and how do I get rid of it? K. M.

Heal Your Guilt and Shame Answer

Guilt is the worst experience known to humans. Shame is very similar to guilt. Shame involves your body and sense of self while guilt involves your behavior. Guilt ties you up in knots and makes you feel unworthy and miserable.

Guilt is not a real feeling, Webster defines it as "the fact or state of having committed an offense, or wrong against moral or penal law."

Guilt is caused by thinking that you have done something wrong. You think you have done something wrong because you judge yourself or someone else judges you. A child does not "feel guilty" until someone tells her that she has offended someone or hurt someone's so called "feelings." Psychologically "feeling guilty" is a conditioned response, not an authentic feeling. Shame is also a conditioned response.

In other words, you are taught to feel guilt when someone judges you--about anything-- how you dress, how you move, how you think, what you do.

Judgment seriously limits creativity. In reality there is no right way to dress, or move or think or do! The more creative you are, the more ways there are to dress, move, think and do!

When someone is offended by your behavior, they are making a judgment accusing you of doing something wrong. When a person judges you as wrong, they are defending against their own feelings. Your behavior puts them in touch with feelings inside of themselves that they are blocking and do not want to feel. It is the ego that is offended and it is the ego that wants control. The old ego wants you to do what it wants you to do, so it uses guilt to accomplish this.

People, cultures and societies over the centuries have used guilt, shame and blame to control their children. The Jewish culture is famous for their guilt and indeed they have developed it to a high art. I was full of guilt myself so the southern families have obviously used it very successfully as well! Guilt is used to condition children to behave as expected.

When you "feel guilty," you think that you have done something wrong and are judging yourself. The result is your energy becomes totally tied up in knots and pulls you in different directions at the same time, with no resolution possible. You have committed a "sin" and you need to be punished. Pretty awful stuff. So of course being the "good person" that you are, you punish yourself for being so bad by making yourself miserable. You are stuck; no matter what you do, you feel bad. It is a losing battle, an inner conflict where you lose no matter what you do!

It is easy to see this no win situation is crazy and guilt need not guide any decision you make in your life. Never, yes, never trust guilt! If you have done something you really regret, apologize and stop doing it, otherwise dispense with guilt. Do not let guilt rule your life.

When I hurt someone's feelings, I usually sense it because I feel bad. I take a deep breath, feel my feelings and go back and apologize to the person. The last time I did this was in Sweden with one of the students. I told him what I was feeling so he could understood what was happening inside of me that made me be abrupt and insensitive to him. At first he said it was all right, so I had to apologized three different times to him before he accepted it. I felt better as soon as I talked to him, but I didn't feel complete until he accepted my apology, which meant acknowledging that I had been insensitive to him. As you can see, taking responsibility for yourself is very different from guilt.

So how do you get rid of guilt?

Become conscious of your judgments of yourself, so you have the means to stop judging yourself. Then it will be easy to deal with other people's judgments of you.

Start attending to your own needs and honor them, rather than making them wrong. Open your heart so you feel your real feelings. Then you will know what is best for you rather than what you have been conditioned to think you should do.

You will find you have been conditioned to think badly of yourself for many, many healthy things. The only way to resolve guilt is to stop making you or others wrong. It is simple. Cease the judgments, then you will be able to relax and love again.

Be aware that making someone else wrong is the same thing as making yourself wrong. Forgiveness is really nothing more than giving up your own judgments about something.

There is no right or wrong, only experiences to learn from. So get out there and enjoy learning and living and growing. Toss guilt out. Trust yourself and love yourself. Create the life you want and the relationships you want. Try a guiltless way to start the New Year. Hope this helps.

Doris Jeanette, copyright, 2004  Revised, 2009

Take the actions necessary to eliminate guilt and judgment from your life so you can enjoy guilt free living.

Here are 3 Options:

Choose one or more of these options to help you get rid of guilt and shame.

1.  Learn how to eliminate guilt by listening to the audio CD or mp3, "Eliminate Guilt and Judgment" by Doris Jeanette. Dr. Jeanette covers all the basics and teaches you how to read the energy of guilt. Then shows you a pathway to take out of the sticky energy of guilt. Cost $29.97 Please state CD or mp3 on your order form so I know how to deliver your audio.)

"Your Guilt and Judgment teleseminars was one of the best ones you ever taught Doris, I love the image of Guilt and Judgment being the two ugly sisters. And your energy information gives me the tools to put your suggestions into practice." Ani Colt

2. Set up a private consultation with Dr. Jeanette to get to the bottom of your guilt and shame in one session, $200.00. Read recommendations and order here.

3. Order the Opening the Heart audio or ebook to discover how you really feel and what you really need so you have the power to stop guilt and shame from ruining your life.

Guilt free living taught by Dr. Doris Jeanette, Heal Your Guilt Workshops and Groups. Say no to guilt. Do not teach your children guilt and shame.