What is all this energy stuff you are talking about? What does energy have to do with my relationship? Ralph
At a recent workshop, I openly and lovingly hugged a man that was part of our group. As I attempted to finish the hug, he didn't let go and allow the interaction to be completed. His physical energy was holding on tightly to me and his emotional energy had invaded my energy field and was literally pulling at me. When this is happening, it is hard to be graceful.
These types of interactions occur frequently in human interactions. Most people are not aware of what is going on in terms of the actual energy dynamics but they unconsciously respond to it anyway. For example many people will avoid this man in the future not even knowing or understanding why. Perhaps they might be aware that they felt uncomfortable and drained after being around him. They will think that they don't like him, but they do not know what was actually happening in terms of the energy dynamics that created their subjective feelings.
On the other hand some people who grew up with mothers or fathers that pulled their energy might not even notice that anything unusual was happening. They have been conditioned to allow this to happen as if it were normal. They want to please their parents, so they are used to this kind of unhealthy attachment and allow it to exist. In which case they would be confusing this unhealthy entanglement with real love. Real love is not a drain, pull or drag!!
One day soon we will all be able to read energy just like people now read a book.
We will be able to know exactly what our own energy is doing by sensing it. I love dealing directly with energy because it eliminates the psychobabble for which my profession is known. Energy is devoid of judgment and guilt. It simply is. We can learn to read the physical and emotional energy that is occurring inside of us and around us.
It is important to start by knowing your own energy before you try to read someone else's. The reason this is so important is because we see, feel, hear, smell, taste and sense through our own energy field. The haze around us needs to be recognized and cleared before we can perceive others with any degree of clarity. This haze or wall of dense energy around us is what traditional psychologists would call projections.
To help you read your own energy let's begin with the basics. There is The Flow, The Pull, The Push and The Stop. This pretty much covers the possibilities. Like this man I was hugging, some people actually send their energy into your energy field and pull energy from you. They are not aware that they are doing it and would probably deny it if you asked them about it. But you can feel it and it really is happening. When someone comes into our energy field and pulls at us, we instinctively move away or close our energy field to them. It doesn't feel good, so we move away. Imagine a vacuum cleaner sucking your energy.
On the other hand, The pusher comes at you, literally pushing against you. For example, pushers talk at you, do not listen and try to direct the interaction. Imagine a bulldozer rolling over you.
The Stop is the Big Withdrawal. No one is home, the person is vacant and you can't feel them. Their consciousness is out to lunch! Imagine a blob or steel wall.
All of us control our energy at different times in these different ways. We think we are "protecting " ourselves. But we are physically blocking out the love and light we need in order to be healthy and happy. Becoming aware of how we are functioning can help us with our emotional and intimacy problems.
Everyone needs more flow. Flow is the place from which peak experiences and ecstasy naturally happen. If we let go of control --the push, the pull and the stop--we will flow. The best way to learn the difference between The Flow and the controlling energy is to feel it. Get a partner and practice. Sit in front of each other and get hand to hand, palm to palm. The top hand can go first and let the lower hand sense and feel what is happening. First start with the Natural Flow. After a couple of minutes of sensing this, the top hand can then do The Stop. After a minute or two, then go back to The Flow. Then do The Pull and go back to flowing. Then do The Push and go back to the flow. Then switch hands and let the other person direct the energy while the lower hand senses. Once you feel it in your hands you can tell which one you are better at doing. You will also know which one your partner does better.
As you increase your awareness you will begin to notice how you are relating to others throughout your body and energy field. You will know when you are open and when you are closed. You will know when you are flowing and controlling.
Back to the awkward embrace I was trapped in--being engulfed by a pulling force. Since I was aware of what was happening, I did not push this man away, nor did I allow him to engulf me. I did not want to reject him, so I took a deep breath and squeezed him tight. Then I physically, with strength, moved out of the hug. The squeeze was to let him know I was there, acknowledging him while at the same time, forcefully breaking out of the hug. If I had energetically closed him out, I would have weakened my own energy field. Open is the position of strength. Open is also the position where we experience our own vulnerabilities. So I leave you with a wonderful message: "Your strength is in your vulnerability. Feel it and love it."
