Licensed Philadelphia-based psychologist with a holistic psychology based on learning theory research and health energy flow in the body and emotions  Dr. Jeanette is a licensed psychologist with a holistic psychology based on learning theory research and healthy energy flow in the body and emotions; a Philadelphia psychologist since 1975 when she worked with Joe Wolpe, MD at Temple Medical School.
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"Tame Your Thoughts": a self-help, holistic psychology CD by Dr. Jeanette. Learn to relax and calm your mind and brain. Read more and order.
 

Opening the Heart, 3 CDs or mp3s on feelings, fear and hurt.


Our self-help audio heals your broken heart and improves your self-esteem.
LEARN MORE
 
 

Is Your Relationship Healthy or Unhealthy?

Are You Co-dependent? Or Free to Be Yourself in a Loving Relationship?

Definition of a Healthy Relationship

Here is a chart to help you learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy communication patterns.

Without knowing it, you learned unhealthy "caretaking" behaviors from your parents and other role models. Therefore, you need to learn new, more effective relationship skills.

As soon as you become aware of unhealthy relationship patterns you can change them into healthier patterns. Improving your relationship skills will be an ongoing process of becoming more emotionally secure.

An Unhealthy Relationship is Based on "Caretaking" Behaviors
A Healthy Relationship is Based on Loving Behaviors
   
You give energy to another person, expecting something back in return You give energy freely, with no expectations, strings or conditions
You withhold love if he does not do as you want You love her when she does not do as you want
You whine and complain You stand up for yourself
You are not responsible for yourself, you want the other person to be responsible for you You are responsible for yourself
You try to control her behaviors to make you more comfortable You allow him the freedom to be himself, even if it makes you uncomfortable at times

You seek his or her approval

You do not need approval
You are passive and aggressive You are assertive
You relate in an unequal way to your partner--as if you are less valuable or more valuable than he or she

You relate equally to your partner, knowing you are both of equal value

You do not know what you really feel emotionally You share and express your emotions to your partner

Copyright, 2011, Doris Jeanette

This healthy relationship definition applies to all relationships, not just sexual relationships.

Feel free to link to this definition of a healthy relationship to help others become aware of the difference between unhealthy and healthy relationships.

Helping another person when he or she needs help is the hallmark of a loving relationship. 

On the other hand, "rescuing" a person is the hallmark of an unhealthy, "caretaking" relationship.

Rescuing behavior is unhealthy for both people involved. When you relate to a person with rescuing, caretaking behaviors you are behaving like he is a victim. If you behave like a victim yourself, you develop resentment, guilt and misery.

Resentment creates physical diseases, mental health problems and unloving relationships.

Consider the different results that you will get in a healthy versus unhealthy relationship.

The Results of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

Unhealthy Relationships
Healthy Relationships
You develop resentment and bitterness You feel happy and satisfied
You are closed and guarded You are open and trusting
You experience anxiety, helplessness You experience self confidence, security
You feel victimized and unable to fulfil your purpose in life You feel your power and fulfill your purpose in life
You are co-dependant You are independent
Low self esteem Solid self esteem
You wait for others You show up and take action
Very little energy, you burn out Lots of vital, healthy energy
Health is weak, pale, puny Health is strong, robust, vital
You do not fulfill yourself You self-actualize

Copyright, 2011, Doris Jeanette

If you want to improve your relationship skills, start by improving your relationship to yourself. You need to become emotionally secure in order to create healthy relationships with other people.

When you are emotionally insecure you allow others to blame you, ignore you and control you. When you improve your self esteem you relate equally to others and they relate equally to you.

Resources to Help You Improve Your Relationship Skills

1. "Opening The Heart" Audio and Ebook. In this emotional health guide, you learn how to improve your relationship with yourself. A calm and comforting voice guides you into finding, accepting and healing your emotional self so that your self esteem improves. This audio was recorded in a professional sound studio. There is no music. Listen to an audio sample.  The sound is so relaxing and calming that some clients wear out their CDs and order second and third sets. Cost: Audio, $97.00; Ebook, $19.97. Read more and order.  

2. "7 Steps to Becoming Stronger After a Divorce or Break Up," Special Report. Downloadable in PDF format, 14 pages; $9.97. This report gives you 7 specific steps to take that will heal your broken heart and improve your self esteem. The steps are also helpful if you are fighting and having any sort of relationship problem. 14 pages; $9.97; PDF (Adobe Acrobat Reader) format. Read more.  Order now.

3. Sign up for Dr. Jeanette's free holistic psychology newsletter, "The Vibrant Moment." 

Receive weekly holistic psychology tips, tools and reliable relationship information to help you achieve healthy, loving relationships.

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