Sexual Health, Emotional Health for Singles

The Gift of Being Single

by Dr. Doris Jeanette

Eight days before Christmas, my lover said, "I don't want to see you anymore, this is it. Take your things and leave." Her words placed a knife into the fibers of my heart. I felt like a mighty fist struck a blow into my stomach and doubled me over. Then another giant force pounded me down into the ground, flat into nothing. The pain was excruciating, precisely because we had opened our hearts and loved each other so much.

Whether we are the "rejected" or the "rejecter" the consequences are the same. We are now single and in pain. That is, unless we run away from this experience by getting involved with someone else. Which will simply prolong the inevitable! In other words, we will have to get hurt again and again until we face and resolve our heart pain.

So to those of you that are Single for The Holidays: Rejoice, now is the time to Grow into your Own. You can transform your ordinary, mundane life into sparkle, joy and excitement. You can realize your Authentic Self and Listen to your Soul. Be honest, how many times, did you complain, bitch and moan about That Relationship? And how many times did you think that person was keeping you from doing what you wanted to do? Moreover that person did not love you the way you wanted to be loved, did they?

So being Single is a chance to do some work on The Self. Then we can attract and create relationships that encourage us in our spiritual growth and self-fulfillment. As Isadora, my spiritual mother said, "If we've had only one lover in our life, it would be like hearing only one composer." Yes, being Single is seriously underrated. All of our breakups and divorces are exactly what is needed to break up the negative, crystallized patterns of the long-term Patriarch Marriage. This antiquated model is praised and Approved of as if it were vastly superior. It isn't. It is primarily composed of two people trying to get their strength from outside sources. This cripples and controls both people.

It is an erroneous assumption that longer is better. The longer two people stay together the more difficult it is for either one to realize The Self. Not only do we start to look alike, but frequently we are working with half a tank. My mother doesn't have any juice in her lower chakra and my Dad's head is a complete fog. I love them both, but it's the truth.

So Bless the Holiday Gift of Being Single. Our soul knows what is good for us! It is the fastest way to "Know Thyself", which is a requisite for Self Actualization. We cannot manifest something we do not know. So we have to spend time with ourselves, totally alone, to discover what is in our unconscious. This is true, even when we are in a healthy relationship.

Besides, when you are single and alone, you can do exactly what you want to do when you want to do it, exactly the way you want to do it! And there is no one, and I mean no one, to blame for not doing it. So it is a fantastic time to create that perfect home you always wanted. Or go on that exciting adventure she never had the money for or take those acting classes he was always critical of.

You have time to become aware of your real strengths, your hearts desires and your individual purpose in life. Now that you don't have to take care of someone else, you can learn to love ourselves instead!

Learning the difference between the energy of Real Love and "Care-Taking" changes your relationships for the better. Taking care of the other person is guaranteed to end in unhappiness for both people. To learn the difference in energy between real love and care taking study, "Opening the Heart- Your Emotional Guide to Self Esteem." Tapes, CDs or ebook

Yes, I know you may still be on the floor in pain and not know how to get to the Exalted Stage of being Single. Yes, It is probably the hardest thing you will ever do. You have to Love-Yourself enough to directly experience the physical and emotional pain that has been in your heart all along. The pain goes back to the beginning of this lifetime, and maybe even longer. Bottom line: it is there and there is no way around it.

When this happened to me, my ex-husband, yet another soul mate, provided assistance. He, being a psychologist, knew exactly what to do to help me practice what I preached. I entered his house crying and feeling terrible. He fixed me dinner, comforted me and said, "Let it Rip." I left his house crying and feeling terrible. So for two weeks, I let it rip. The tears fell and my heart tore apart. I let go of control and threw myself over the cliff. This is what most Aries will do, head first right over the cliff. The downside is that crash landings occur frequently. I cried all the time except when I was actively seeing clients.

Then the magic happened. No crash-landing this time. When I was simply walking down the street, ecstasy filled my body with delicious sensations. The feelings were so fine that, I promised myself I would stay single for at least a year. This was because I was so needy and dependent on touch that I had always sold my soul in relationships. I knew my basic need to be physically loved by someone else was my weakness. As it turned out, getting to know myself and being a-live, was such fun, that I was single for five years.

The very best Single Christmas I ever had was all alone in NYC, staying at the United Nations Plaza Hotel. On Christmas Eve I dined at the Restaurant at the top of the World Trade Center. Christmas Day, after my luscious swim, looking downtown from my high perch, I luxuriated in fine wine and brunch in my room. I felt grateful that I was finally getting to know who I was, separate from family, expectations and control. Afterwards, I walked the city streets for jazz, meeting other adventurers to share my consummate day with. May our Hearts feel loved during these Holidays.

• Stop Judging Self for being Single.
• Bless Time alone as a Gift from the Unconscious.
• Let it Rip: Feel Real Pain in Heart/ Body.
• Express Feelings Creatively: Write, Dance, Paint
• Do Exactly what You Want, When You Want to Do it.
• Share Time with Someone Who Cares about You.
• Comfort & Love Emotional Self no matter what!
• Make Love in Imagination, the Way you Want Sex to be.
• Make Love in the Flesh, the Way you Want to be Taken.
• Enjoy Little Things about your Own Company.
• Sense the inside Textures, Flavors, Music, Colors, Sounds.
• Feel Divine Energy.

Doris Jeanette is a licensed psychologist, holistic psychology pioneer, relationship coach and author of "Opening the Heart- Your Emotional Guide to Self Esteem," three audio tapes, CDs or ebook which guides you into looking inward to find your strengths and fall in love with yourself. Order your expert guide into your own heart to improve your emotional health and sexual health.