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Psychology Question on Blame
know you are suppose to give up blame but I don't know how to do it. My father was abusive. How can I move on?" Jill S.
Holistic Psychology Answer: How to Give Up Blame
is second nature to us because when we were children the adults in our environment blamed us. Therefore, we learned to blame
Naturally, when we grew up, we blamed our parents, ourselves, and others!
children we were frequently given the message that we were responsible
for our mother or father's emotional, mental, and psychological problems. Sometimes we were blamed for everything that happened!
occurs insidiously and is often delivered non-verbally. Without words, a child can sense his
mother's depression or father's anxiety. Sometimes a child can feel the resentments
and regrets of his parents and erroneously assume he is the cause.
Therefore, you grow up and feel responsible for your parent's problems.
Sometimes parents actually
say the words out loud, "It is your fault I lost that hammer"
or "It is your fault I am not feeling good today." Even worse...."It is your fault, I am killing myself."
As a child you do not have any power to do anything differently.
Therefore, you learn to become helpless.
This unhealthy conditioning stays with you
as you grow up. Your body and autonomic nervous
system are paralyzed into this helpless, victim role until you unlearn your unhealthy conditioning.
Honestly, I knew I also needed to stop blaming
my parents but I didn't know how to do it either.
remember experiencing a lot of resentment because I was not the one to create my problems.
It was not my fault this was happening. It was not my fault this was true. And of course it was not my fault.
In truth, it is no one's fault.
My parent's inadequacies, anxieties, and false beliefs had created
many of my problems. My problems being my inadequacies,
anxieties, and false beliefs.
parents were and are responsible for their inadequacies, anxieties,
and false beliefs. And they did saturate me with them so much
so that the lining of my stomach was affected.
My parents are totally responsible
for how they related to me. I was a real victim
as a child in terms of learning their inadequacies, anxieties, and false beliefs.
child cannot escape being affected by all the emotional energy
in his or her environment. So this was where I was stuck. And it is where you are probably stuck.
Finally, one day,
a light bulb went off in my head. I got it! If I stopped blaming my parents
for everything, then I did not have to stay helpless for the rest
of my life......WOW!
was the motivation I needed to take responsibility. It never occurred
to me that if I were responsible then I would have the power to
do something differently. Aha!
saw the light, I saw the truth:
I am responsible for my RESPONSE to my parents.
Of course my parents were responsible for how and what they had taught
me. In addition, I was responsible for my reaction, my behaviors, my feelings, my thoughts.
And glory be, it was no one's fault. It was not my fault and it what not their fault. No fault! Win-win!
I took responsibility for myself, immediately I had the power to be
strong and courageous. I did not have to keep my parents inadequacies,
anxieties, and false beliefs alive any longer.
I could let go of my unhealthy learning. My emotional health changed dramatically because
I was in charge of myself.
I could do what my
parents, society, and authorities had not been able to do--stop
finding fault and stop blaming.
up blame is hard because you have to be totally responsible
for yourself at every level and for everything. You cannot hold
anyone or anything else responsible for your experience of life.
responsible is truly growing up and standing on your own two feet.
Standing on your own two feet is glorious and wonderful. Emotional health is powerful.
When you take responsibility, vital energy starts to flow in your body making you physically stronger.
you stop expecting someone else to take care of you or do what
needs to be done, you have power. Power is energy. You literally have
the energy to do what you want and need to do.
giving up complaining and blaming someone else for not doing something
for you, you can get what you want.
doesn't matter how much of a mess someone else has created. You
can clean up the mess in your world so you feel good. Emotional
health is worth the effort.
when you find yourself blaming the weather, society, mother, men,
or the frying pan for what you are experiencing, ask yourself
if you want to stay helpless.
If you are helpless and not responsible for yourself then you
are a victim. A victim is someone who does not have the power
to help himself or herself.
The only true victim
is a child. Children do not have the power to get new parents
or free themselves from the situation they are in.
However, when you are an adult, the whole world changes. You
can do what is necessary to create the life you want. You have the power.
can move pass your parents and their unhealthy conditioning.
You can own your own strength, courage, and ability to live life
fully and freely.
best emotional health advice I can give you is to
"Give up blame."
makes you weak and keeps you helpless. Blaming yourself is just
as destructive as blaming someone else. The act of giving up blame
sets your spirit free!
Learn to stop blaming yourself and get the
emotional health comfort and support you need. To help you achieve this no blame, no fault state, use the emotional health guide, "Opening the Heart." Read more and order your CDs, mp3s or E- book.
responsible for the mess you have created is hard medicine to take
sometimes, but it is well worth the outcome.
If I am responsible
for my own mess, I can clean my mess up. I can make my world beautiful,
and have a good time doing it!
Being responsible gives me the power to be myself.
this helps you break free from blame.
Options to help you give up blame:
1. Learn how to give up blame and claim your power as an adult. Your emotional health is priceless. Order your copy of "Opening
the Heart" audio. $97.00.
2. Set up a private consultation with Dr. Jeanette. One session can be enough to get you unstuck and moving forward, $200.00 an hour. Read recommendations here:http://www.drjeanette.com/recommendations.html
Questions? E-mail email@example.com or Call: 215-732-6197
Copyright Dr. Doris Jeanette, July, 2000, revised, November, 2010