Body & Soul Responses

from Dr. Jeanette, licensed psychologist, alternative approach

practical, psychological, holistic help for emotional, mental, physical, spiritual issues

Question

Tip asked me two questions.

Is it possible to love two people?

It is possible to love two people. What is really impossible is to only love one person! In the future our ability to love shall explode and we will be able to love many, many people and they shall love us in return. The more people who love us the better, that way we are not dependent on only one person for love. This is extremely helpful in preventing a dependency that stunts our self-realization. To love more than one person sexually is also possible. What is hard is to commit to more than one person as a partner. At this point we have trouble committing to one person and loving her or him unconditionally. In the future, as we mature emotionally, we will be able to love and commit ourselves to each other in many creative ways.

How do I go about putting my marriage behind me? My wife went to another woman.

Answer

I am sure your wife does love both you and the other woman. To lose your partner is always painful. It is a heartbreak, any way you look at it. It hurts. It really hurts your heart. The best way to deal with this kind of experience is to open up to it, rather than closing down. It was exactly this type of heartbreak that prodded my own transformation. When we are hurt, we have the choice to become more defended and harder or to open up and become softer and more alive. 

The thing to remember is that you are lovable and that you are loved. You have done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you.

Feeling your hurt can open you up to a new way of being alive. Hurt is the first sign of life. It is like a frostbitten hand; it hurts like hell when it is warming up. When it is frozen and ready to die, there is no pain. We hurt when we are returning to life.  

The hurt you feel is not just this hurt but all the hurts of your life. My tape When You're Hurting is made just for this moment. You need the courage and support to stay in the hurt and feel it, rather than avoid it. The hurt you feel is also your Mother's and Father's hurt -- you have inherited what they did not feel or deal with. Hurting isn't going to kill you; it is going to awaken you. I know it is hard and painful when you are in the middle of it, but it can be a turning point in your life. 

When you feel your hurts, you let go of them. The area where your hurt was frozen in your body will then be receptive for energy to flow through. You will then feel joy and ecstasy in exactly the same place were the hurt was held. Read my answer on Being Rejected for more help in how to focus on yourself and help you realize what is really important for you in your own life.  

When we love ourselves, we stay open. When we are open, we attract more love into our lives. You want to let go of the wall of frozen energy around you so love can reach you. Your heart will become strong and healthy, allowing love to flow in and out of it with great vitality. Life is a process of growing and becoming more of who we really are. Pain and hurt are real aspects of life that we must embrace. The more we embrace our real feelings, the more emotional strength we will have. Hope this inspires you to open up and feel-- it is well worth the pain!!

Doris Jeanette